u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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