we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
