the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
