I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
