You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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