Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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