"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
