Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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