Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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