and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
