Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
