I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
