We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize