worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
