I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
