Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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