i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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