somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
