i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
