Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
