I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
