I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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