Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
