My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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