you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
