Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
