I hate your face
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
