Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
