So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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