This girl is more easily done than said...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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