Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
