she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize