life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
tell me about the fingering
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