Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
