Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
