Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
