I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
