It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
