dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
