Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
