"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
