just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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