hotel room ftw
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just threw up on my dentist
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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