Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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