My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
