His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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