Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize