I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
