just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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