Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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