I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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