I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize