piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
