Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize