I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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