i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
