thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
