remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
