he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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