i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
