I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
