After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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