at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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