I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
