The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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