I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
