OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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