i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
