Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
