I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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