i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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