just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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