When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
