My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
