how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize