your thong is hanging out like whoa
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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