do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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