Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
