watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
