you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
