also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it glows. i had to have it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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