And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
