Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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