You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
