sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
