it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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