Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
