just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
