i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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