getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
