Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
