i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
