Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
