she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
