I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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