Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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